Posted on May 12, 2012
that I should be nicer to you. More understanding.
But I’m not, because I know you are capable of being so much more.
We all used to burn these bright little spots into each other’s eyeballs. Those permanent spots you get when you look at the sun too long. They don’t damage you, they just follow you around, lazing about in your peripheral.
We were that way once.
Now, we laze about in forgotten corners of the heart. Closed corners adorned with cobwebs and shadows.
But where is my will to change this? I’m fairly certain I have the capability.
You kind of killed it, though. I can’t take the short responses and hesitant friendship.
We all deserve more than that.
Freshman year is coming to a close. Not even ten more full dys of school lie before me. In this year, I have learned a great deal.
Yes, academically, I’d suppose I may have learned something or another.
But in the means of life, I’ve learned decades of information.
I’ve learned all about moving on, letting go, and survival of the fittest. I relearned concepts I was rooted in, so comfortable with.
I won’t lie, I am much more cynical now. N=Maybe it’s due to the perpetual cold in this Godforsaken state. I can’t wait to get out of here.
Or maybe it is simply a fact that one cannot hold innocence forever. Not a shred can remain. You can pretend to believe in Santa Clause and try and search for magic, but you lose the hope you’ll find it. Life changes people.
Sometimes, I wonder if we should do something about this. Try and stop the inevitable.
But, it’s in the name.
What’s to come will come.
I have two choices now. I can lay here gazing at the stars, dreaming about the past and fabricating the future.
Or, I can stand up, slip on the knee pads and prepare to live life like a lyrical class. Falling again and again until it looks good. Until you don’t realize it hurts.
I think it’s time to buy those knee pads, because the stars have become a bore.
Posted on April 8, 2012
has been one that took a toll on me. But I kept up with my gym going! I didn’t skip dance. I made it to a point where there are about 35 days of school left.
I CAN DO THIS.
Posted on March 31, 2012
The fact Remains that there is no threshold to cross. There’s no ribbon. No plaque. No key. One day you’re a child. The next- adult. There’s no great unveiling. No smoke and mirrors. You’re just there.
The only one who knows is you. Because, let’s be honest, is anyone else really paying that much attention?
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Posted on March 3, 2012
Friends start falling in to categories by state. They don’t cross the lines in to other columns. Soon, they fade all together. And you can spread a black light over the names written in lemon juice, but it becomes a strain on the eyes, so you stop.
Neat little columns turn bed sheet white.
Funny how the column for the present is whitest of all.
Posted on February 29, 2012
I feel like we all just pretend to be everything we aren’t.
I’m not sure if I’m that way, because, right now, I have no clue who I am.
I can’t wait until Anna comes this summer. She will find me. I know she can.
I think that there are things we are incapable of doing for ourselves. For me, this matter is precisely that.
I know high school is supposed to be about finding yourself, but maybe I’m not lost? I’m merely confused.
Or maybe Its an intentional confusion. Have I drawn these parameters for myself? Did I allow myself to become this way?
I think the answer is yes. I did This. I made choices. I’m impulsive.
The north Carolina Anna was loud. Powerful. Dominant. Respected. Brave.
The Colorado Annalise is quiet. Reserved. Lonely.
I did that.
Someone today said I reminded them of Gabriella from high school musical. I think that’s a problem.
I need to draw a line between Anna and Annalise. Where, though?
Posted on February 26, 2012
To us. To who we are and who we will be.
1 note
Posted on February 22, 2012
You could have stayed. Put us first. Been there. Said goodnight. Read books. Played games. Talked. Learned. Listened. Lived.
I can’t crawl back. I don’t know you enough to do that.
I love you.
Posted on February 21, 2012
There’s words you shouldn’t say. Accusations you shouldn’t make.
Words have the capability to destroy a person, a life.
1 note
Posted on February 21, 2012
neverforgettodream:
So I think I’m doing this right… BUt I am so lucky to have such an amazingg friend like Anna. She says sometimes she left me, but I left her too. I don’t deserve her. No matter what I say or do she is always there. She doesn’t judge me or lie, she just says it how it is. I think about her all the…
9 notes
Posted on February 17, 2012
Part of me wants to become Bridget Vreeland. Blonde and talented and tall and irresistible and full of life and optimism and friends.
But I’m not blonde. I don’t play soccer. I’m not optimistic.
I’m annalise. And I don’t know what I am, but it isn’t the mold of one Bridget Vreeland.
Posted on February 15, 2012
She’s coming soon. She misses me. We are going to get our cartiladges’ pierced. We are going to put sun-in in my hair and see what happens. We are going to tan. We are going to flirt with boys, because, when I’m with her, I’m brave.
She’s never left my side, even when I left hers. She’s protective over me, over my effing Facebook wall. She’s older, but we take turns at being the parent. She calls me first.
We scream obnoxiously, meaningless things throughout my house. She’s met my Grandma Jean and thinks no less of my family.
She’s lived at my house.
We’ve burnt Mac-and-Cheese.
She stood by me at a competition when I forgot the words to my song, and only teased me for a minute before reassuring me that I did wonderful. We both know I did not.
She’s slept on the floor while tagging along on various family vacations of mine.
We failed at snowboarding together, though, now I know how.
She let me do her makeup, blue and bright, and with inexperienced fingers. She never took it off, even when I failed at it.
She let me cut her bangs and style her hair, probably burning it with that little red straightener.
We went to and from science and the cafeteria everyday, singing whatever song she liked.
She stood by me when my world came apart and I had to sit in an office with a therapist wearing eye shadow on one eye.
She loved me even though I was fat and obsessed with black eyeliner, black clothes, and straight hair(which I DO NOT HAVE).
She told me I wasn’t fat, which, at that time, I totally was. (Kraus’ and sixth grade do not mix well)
She passed off my scales in band for me.
SHE GAVE ME GREY’S ANATOMY.
She came over after my countless surgeries, even though I bite when on pain meds.
She knows that, in the mornings, I should not be woken, rather, that she should go get her own breakfast and I’ll come down in a few hours.
She stood up for me when I wouldn’t.
She let me find my own way in life, even though she got hurt along the way. (Because I am a cyclone who destroys everything in my path)
I took her for granted when I had her, and now she’s in Indiana and I’m in Colorado.
She’s my sister, and I can’t wait until this July.
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Posted on February 13, 2012
(Source: living-death, via h0gwarts)
36,925 notes
Posted on February 13, 2012
I wonder how many people will not realize what this represents. Reblog if you do.
(Source: silhouette0fwings, via underneaththeevidence)
264,304 notes
Posted on February 13, 2012
Sometimes, you hung up the phone and felt the bruising of your heart. It hurt now and it would hurt more later
Ann Brashares
Posted on February 6, 2012
and so I’m going to work out some more. I have this intense desire to look a certain way in a given amount of time and, when I want something, I do everything in my power to make it happen.
It bothers me that I can’t speed up the process of time. It bothers me that I can’t loose weight at the speed of light. It isn’t like cramming for a test, where, I study in five minutes, or even the night before(Okay…no) and get an A and everything’s done and over with and great. I’m trying so hard. I don’t know why I get like this. I have this intense desire to be beautiful. I want to be stunning. I’m very shallow.
I’m growing my hair to my hips and, when I am skinny, I will involve myself in the world of high fashion and do my makeup with the stunning kit my lovely cousins purchased me for Christmas. I will wear scanty bathing suits and make people whisper about me.
But it is NOT happening fast enough.
I wish I did not have school, ever. I would go to the gym and get on the stair stepper and stay there for hours. I would never leave.
I would be lovely.
So, for now, I’ll have to do it the slow way. But I really should sleep, because I am still on percocet for the surgery and I feel like shit.
